Empty
by montez
Summary: What was going through the Doctor's mind when he thought he had lost Rose in Bad Wolf. My First Dr. Who fic.


Empty

By Montez

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Dr. Who or known characters.

 _A/N: This is my first ever Dr. Who fanfic. I just recently rediscovered the program via a college class that had us watch one of Matt Smith's episodes and I was hooked again (My original Doctor was Peter Davison but it had been years since I watched any episodes) I watched all of the Matt Smith episodes and decided to start the current series and though I became hooked on Matt's doctor first, in watching Christopher's version I found I loved the dark intensity he brought across and that underlying current of emotion he had toward Rose. So in watching the final two episodes of series 1 I couldn't get his expression out of my mind when he thought he'd lost Rose and the way seemed to shut down and this was born of that. Please be kind this is a new universe for me, hope you enjoy-Montez_

The moment I first took her hand in that basement I felt it. I denied it at first, I had been through to much, seen to many die. I had shut myself down inside, but that moment was like a match being struck in the blackest of black rooms and despite everything I tried to do it began a flame that continued to grow. I've had many companions over my many, sometimes I believe far to many, years, so many individuals that I have cared about and who have either left me or I left them because I couldn't bare the fact that being with me would inevitably lead to death and I refuse to see another person I care about die, so I began to not care. I did what needed to be done and moved on without looking back. I had been alone for so very long and was resigned to it, but then she was there. God she was young, nineteen in earth years, I remember her laughing at the 'one hell of an age gap' that day in London when Earth saw its first alien craft crash. That time was the first time I realized I needed her, but more importantly I needed her safe and as her mother pleaded whether I could keep her Rose safe I know there was no guarantee and there never would be.

That day we survived, how I will never know, but we did and she stayed with me, I allowed her to stay, no it was more than that, I needed her to stay. I felt life in my soul again, a soul that had been so dark, empty and lonely for far too long. It had been many years since I had felt what humans would refer as love and I was terrified, but I saw it in her eyes, her smile, every time I took her hand. I knew I shouldn't, but it was beyond my control and I feared every single time I allowed her to leave the Tardis, 'would this be it, would this be the last time I saw her?' It wasn't fear for me, but for her, humans were so fragile and My Rose was just as fragile as her namesake and I knew I would do anything possible to protect her.

I 'killed' her once when I trapped her with that stinkin Dalek, I heard her voice, heard that hate-filled word of a race I had thought destroyed, then I heard it's laser blast and I knew she was dead…I knew in that instant that I wanted to die if she was lost to me, then I heard her voice, saw her on the video feed and knew I would face the Dalek and do whatever was needed to keep her safe.

When I woke up in that 'house' I didn't know what was going on, didn't know where I was, all I knew was Rose was not with me, not by my side, I didn't know what danger she might be in or how I was going to save her, I was useless and I hated myself all over again for placing her in whatever danger I knew deep down she was facing and my only focus was to find her and keep her safe.

Once Lynda and I found Jack and I finally got into the transmission feed and found Rose, Lynda's frantic plea that we needed to get to Rose fast because she was with an android sent a spike of fear through me, I felt my hearts beat so fast it nearly took my breath, I watched the lift numbers as each floor went by insanely slow, finally the doors opened and before me lay the door Rose was behind. I yelled for them to stop the game, I heard Rose's frantic voice yell a warning about the android as I watched her running toward me, if I could just reach her I could keep her safe, take that fear from her voice, but a flash of light caused me to recoil and my knees hit the floor before my mind could process what I was laying my hand on, Rose…My Rose…the only human who had rekindled that long buried emotion, who had taught me to love again, My Rose had been vaporized before my very eyes and I couldn't do a damned thing to stop it.

I vaguely heard Jack's angry voice, barely noticed as someone grabbed my arm and pulled me up, never felt the metal of the gun that was placed at the back of my head…my eye's focused on the scattered bits of carbon on the black floor, a splash of a life taking from existence, a life that had placed their faith in me and a life I had again, like so many other's, let down. My Rose was gone and so was I.

Did they really think they could interrogate me? These tiny human's playing tough guys, did they really think they would be a match for me? I saw the human grab Lynda's face, but I honestly couldn't find it in me to care; my mind was flooded with images of Rose over the months she'd been travelin with me. My mind replayed that first contact, that first spark and just as cruelly it replayed the moment that spark went out. The human in front of me had no idea I literally had nothing to lose now, that no lives mattered to me now that my soul had been ripped out. I knew what I needed to do and I didn't care if I returned from it or not, I would find those responsible for the death of Rose Tyler, of my Rose and they would learn the true fury of a Time Lord.

"Let's do this."


End file.
